Have you ever sat back and retraced your footsteps?

Have you ever sat back and retraced your footsteps? Replayed your personal interactions with others?

Unfortunately, I have. The ability to remember interactions from many years past. Remember the dialogue word for word, and do a reevaluation. I recall in the workplace, the conversation with the senior technical specialist. “Howard, you are a perfectionist, you will never survive here.” Wow, where did that come from? The casual comment made when he passed by on the way to the coffee machine. Was this statement a result of a general conversation with coworkers? Could he not restrain himself from passing on his or the group’s consensus to me? This happened in the technical workplace, soon to be 20 years in my past, by an individual 25 years my junior.

Reflecting on that statement two decades later. I’ve arrived at an assessment of our species. “Those who feel that they cannot compete play dirty!” We have many levels of personal understanding and experiences. We can decide based on our general knowledge and familiarity. One point I recall from a motivational tape. I purchased it through the Daytimer catalogue back in the 1980s. It described a senior gentleman at a petroleum conference in Calgary, at the podium. At the end of his presentation, there were questions from the audience. One question was: “why is your company so successful?” In his slow southern voice, he responded, “because we drill more wells.”

Lived experiences mould altruism, compassion, and general understanding. We should find ourselves in a conundrum more often. Social status comprising group acceptance, spiritual or religious views. All of which provide us with layers of lenses for bias. These multilayered biases create us as an individual personality. General communication will have little or no disagreement. Imagine an individual finding self in new surroundings. There will be a learning curve for all concerned in this new social environment. All individuals will monitor the newcomer. The newcomer will evaluate the group.

Back to the earlier statement, “Howard, you are a perfectionist. You will never survive here.” 25 years of hands-on technical service work. In later years, as a technical specialist, providing support to junior employees. I need not justify my conclusions on technical matters. Given the opportunity, I can very present the many dots that lead me to make a conclusion or decision. Conclusions together with an extreme detail from memories of technical troubleshooting from my past. Within the first three months, I conclude the following of the entire social group I found myself in. The entire technical team had evaluated my work ethics, technical experience, ease of collaboration and communication with coworkers. This brings to point, this same individual that stated that I was a perfectionist. On another occasion he said: “Howard, why do you use your hands so much when you speak?” Well, I didn’t respond. I would suppose that it results from mimicking people that are in leadership roles or in front of a class. I had performed in the role of a technical specialist. Provided classroom training to junior employees over 20 years earlier in Calgary. I have never thought about it. I see no reason not to use this adapted skill. It is part of my transfer of technical knowledge and experience to others. Either in day-to-day one-on-one communication or in front of a class. The conclusion two decades after the fact. This senior technical specialist within this new workplace felt threatened by my presence.

Bringing up the previous statement, “those who cannot compete, play dirty.” This I conclude to be not a human trait. A study of behaviour trained primates to play a game. In rotation, given a cucumber or a grape as a reward for their turn in the game showed the following. The equal performance or similar performance received a cucumber instead of a grape. When the primate understood the unfairness, it refused all future participation. This technical workplace 2000/2001, of coworkers with University educational backgrounds. I have between four and five decades of technical hands-on performance and knowledge. A high school education. After two years, I was given double the severance. I signed a document stating I would not take them to court for wrongful dismissal. There were two other unconnected instances of differing viewpoints about religious affiliation. I answered and did not engage in any in-depth dialogue.

On the morning of 9/11, a coworker who was my senior but 25 years my junior came over to my work cubicle. At 7 AM near the end of our all-night shift, he said to turn your second screen onto CNN.com. I did and immediately saw the twin Towers and the embedded airplane. He looked down over the wall of the workspace with his arms folded. He said: “See Howard, if people follow the Bible more closely, things like this wouldn’t happen.” I looked up at him with my handshaking. This is the first time that something like this has happened on our continent. I recall my repetitive nightmare as a young child. The Cuban missile crisis. At that moment, I responded to him, my handshaking. “If it wasn’t for people like you and people like them, things like this would not happen.” During the months after 9/11, there were financial cutbacks on wages. A reduction of 30% on everyone’s paycheck. Reflecting. I realize I withdrew from almost all interactions in the workplace. I sat at my workstation. I used my perfectionist ability. I did “a more perfect” call handling and diagnostic procedure.

Why am I going on with such extreme detail about things that happened so long ago? Not for most of the masses. I do so for the very few that may connect the dots in the stories. They may arrive at a new sense of understanding within themselves.

The majority having their own personal identities of self-esteem and self-confidence within the confines of the social structure. Those levels in many social circles are rarely challenged. They are only challenged in new surroundings, with new individuals finding themselves in the group. The comparisons on a social level are ongoing in many species.